She filled my kitchen with organic teas she never drank, left dishes in the sink, and took over the bathroom, leaving makeup smudges on the mirror. As for laundry? She simply added her clothes to our hamper, assuming someone else would handle them.
When I gently suggested she tidy up after herself, Linda smiled and said, “Oh, honey, I’m just a guest! You wouldn’t ask a guest to do chores, would you?”
Meanwhile, Jason remained neutral. “She’s my mom. Can’t we just let her be comfortable?” he reasoned.
Comfortable? She was living in luxury while I ran around cleaning up after two adults.
A New Approach
The final straw was Saturday morning when I found her sipping the last of my premium coffee—while the kitchen sink overflowed with unwashed dishes. That’s when inspiration struck.
If Linda wanted the guest treatment, I would give her the full experience.
The VIP Stay Begins
Monday Morning: Linda woke up to a printed menu on her nightstand.
Welcome to the Family B&B!
Please select your complimentary breakfast option:
☕ Cereal & Milk – Served in the finest ceramic bowl.
🍞 Toast & Butter – Lightly crisped to perfection.
🍛 Chef’s Surprise – A delightful mystery from last night’s leftovers.
She frowned at the list. “Where’s my omelet? You always make eggs on Mondays.”
I smiled. “Oh, sorry! The upgraded breakfast package isn’t included in the complimentary stay. Would you prefer cereal or toast?”
She sighed but took the cereal. A small win.
Tuesday Night: Linda had a habit of staying up late, watching videos at full volume. So, at 11 p.m., I turned off the WiFi.
Minutes later, she stomped out of her room. “The internet’s not working!”
“Oh!” I said, feigning surprise. “It’s part of our house security protocol—reduces cyber threats and keeps everything running smoothly. It turns back on at 7 a.m.”
She muttered something but went back to bed.
Wednesday: Each time I cleaned up after her, I placed a laminated sign in the area:
“Housekeeping in Progress! Do Not Disturb!“
One went on the bathroom mirror after wiping off her makeup smudges, another on the kitchen counter after scrubbing her plates, and one draped over the couch where she left crumbs.
Linda scowled at the signs. “What’s with all these?”
“Just a reminder that housekeeping is an essential part of any guest experience,” I replied with a smile.
Thursday: I stopped making dinner and left takeout menus in her room.
Linda stood in the kitchen, bewildered. “What’s for dinner?”
“Oh, I figured you might want to pick something yourself! Guests should have options,” I said, handing her a menu. “There’s a great Chinese place nearby. Or pizza, if you’re in the mood.”
She pursed her lips. “But you always cook.”
I shrugged. “Didn’t want to impose. Enjoy!”
The Final Move
On Sunday, she found an envelope on her dresser containing an invoice:
🧺 Laundry Services – $50
🧼 Maid Service – $30
☕ Coffee & Breakfast Supply Fee – $20
🏨 Hotel Convenience Charge – $15
At the bottom, I wrote:
Thank you for staying at the Family B&B! Please settle your balance by the end of your stay.
A gasp echoed down the hall before Linda stormed into the kitchen, waving the bill. “What is this?!”
I sipped my coffee. “Oh, just an invoice for your stay. Standard hospitality rates.”
Her eyes widened. “I am not paying to live in my own son’s house!”
I tilted my head. “Oh? I thought you were a guest? And guests don’t stay for free.”
She turned to Jason. “Jason, your wife is charging me for staying here!”
Jason blinked at the paper, then at me.
“Babe,” he said slowly, “is this real?”
I smiled. “Of course not. Just following her logic. Guests don’t clean up after themselves, so they pay for service instead.”
Jason looked between us, realization dawning. Linda’s mouth opened and closed in shock.
“I guess I’ll just find somewhere else to stay!” she huffed.
Jason hesitated, but I shot him a look. He sighed, rubbing his face. “Mom… maybe that’s for the best.”
And just like that, Linda moved out within the week.
Peace Restored
The house was peaceful again—no more dirty dishes, no more misplaced towels, and no more passive-aggressive remarks.
Jason, finally free from guilt, admitted, “Okay… maybe you had a point.”
And me? I poured myself a fresh cup of coffee, stretched out on my guest-free couch, and savored the sweet taste of victory.
Linda might have been too special to clean up after herself, but in the end, she cleaned herself right out of my house.