At first glance, it appeared to be a standard obituary—one meant to acknowledge the passing of a loved family member. But within days, a Minnesota woman’s obituary stunned readers, ignited online controversy, and spread rapidly across social media and international news outlets.
The obituary of Kathleen Dehmlow was published in the Redwood Falls Gazette and initially followed the familiar format seen in countless death notices. It noted that she was born in Springfield, Minnesota, to Gertrude and Joseph, and that she passed away on March 31, 2018, at the age of 80.
It also documented that Kathleen married in Minnesota in 1957 and had two children, Gina and Jay.
However, it was the final portion of the obituary that caught readers off guard.
According to the notice, Kathleen became pregnant in 1962 by her brother-in-law, then moved to California. The obituary stated that she left her two children behind, who were subsequently raised by their grandparents.
The closing lines were particularly striking. The obituary stated that Kathleen “will not be missed” by Gina and Jay, adding that they believed “the world will be a better place without her.”
The unusually blunt wording triggered immediate public reaction. Following widespread criticism over its tone, the Redwood Falls Gazette reportedly removed the obituary from its website the next day.
Soon after, Kathleen’s son Jay Dehmlow spoke publicly to explain why he and his sister chose to write the obituary the way they did. He said that outsiders could never fully understand the emotional hardship they endured and that writing the obituary allowed them to finally speak their truth.
Jay explained that his mother rarely visited him or his sister after leaving. According to reports citing the Daily Mail, Kathleen went on to have two additional children with her brother-in-law.
He said that over the years, he and Gina received little to no contact from her—not even cards or letters. He recalled that on one of her rare visits, she spoke enthusiastically about her new life and family while barely acknowledging him and his sister.
“It was like we didn’t exist,” Jay said, describing the experience as deeply painful and emotionally damaging.
He added that the family dysfunction was extensive and largely unspoken, saying that writing the obituary helped him and his sister process years of unresolved trauma. For them, it was a form of closure.
Kathleen’s surviving sister, Judy, later told DailyMail.com that the obituary caused significant distress within the extended family and described it as deeply hurtful.
Jay responded by stating that many relatives were unaware of what he and his sister had gone through as children, explaining that the situation was never openly discussed at the time.
Regardless of differing opinions, the obituary has sparked widespread discussion about family estrangement, unresolved trauma, and whether death notices should strictly honor the deceased or reflect complex realities.
While many found the obituary harsh, others acknowledged that no one outside the family can truly measure the emotional impact of being left behind. The story serves as a reminder that behind public records and viral headlines are deeply personal experiences shaped by pain, silence, and unresolved loss.
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